Wedding FAQs

Q:  Do you do weddings for people of different religions?

A:  Sure!  My only caveat is that nobody at the wedding can say anything that both of you can’t believe.  That usually means no “Jesus” or “Savior.”


Q:  What about co-officiating with a priest or imam or minister or pandit?

A:  I am happy to co-officiate under certain conditions.  The other officiant needs to be willing to say ONLY what you both believe and have approved before-hand.  No extemporaneous homilies or interjections.  To be clear, I also only say the words you have approved before the ceremony.  The ceremony also should have equal representation of both traditions.


Q:  We want a Jewish wedding, but no God.  Can you do that?

A:  That’s what I do!  I don’t say what I don’t believe, and I don’t believe in any gods.  Your wedding can have many Jewish symbols and traditions with absolutely no religious content at all.  You can have a chuppah, share wine, sign a ketubah and break a glass all without any mention of a deity.


Q:  Does one of us have to be Jewish for you do perform our wedding ceremony?

A:  Not at all.  I perform humanistic (non-religious) ceremonies for all, and am happy to include ethnic traditions.


Q:  How much do you charge?

A:  If I don’t have to travel out of the Tri-Valley area, my fee is usually $650.  Distance and co-officiation can add up to $300 to that fee.


Q:  What about a rehearsal?  Do you come to that?

A:  A wedding is not a performance.  You don’t need a rehearsal.


Baby-Naming FAQs

Q:  We don’t want to circumcise our son.  Does that make a difference to you?

A:  None at all.  The Secular Humanistic Jewish movement is egalitarian; we provide the same ceremony for boys and girls.  It doesn’t matter to us if you have decided to circumcise or to leave your child intact.


Q:  When do we do the ceremony?  On the eighth day, just like a bris?

A:  You can do it whenever you are ready.  If it is important to you or to your family to have a ceremony on the eighth day, that’s fine, but if you want to wait, that’s fine, too.


Q:  We’re going to raise our child in both our traditions.  Can you co-officiate with a baptism?

A:  No.  A baptism is a Christian religious ceremony.  I can perform a separate ceremony the same day, but not in the church.


Q:  How much do you charge?

A:  I don’t charge for baby-naming ceremonies but I do ask that you make a donation to my community, Tri-Valley Cultural Jews.


Funeral FAQs

Q:  Can we consult with you before someone dies?

A:  Sure.  I am very willing to talk with a person who is dying or with the person’s family about the sort of funeral they all might feel comfortable with.


Q:  How much notice do you need?

A:  I can usually be available the day after you call me.


Q:  We’re not religious, but we want a Jewish funeral.  Will you do that?

A:  I don’t lead or say prayers, but I have many beautiful readings and poems that may be appropriate for you.  If someone at the funeral needs to have kaddish said, that person can lead it, or you can ask someone else to lead.


Q:  Will you come to the graveside?

A:  Yes.  I will conduct a ceremony wherever works for your needs.  If the funeral is not at graveside, I can conduct a brief ceremony also at graveside.


Q:  How much do you charge?

A:  I don’t charge for funerals but I do ask that you make a donation to my community, Tri-Valley Cultural Jews.



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